#44 – All Drains Lead to Septic Tanks – Tacia Eliason

Once there was a girl named Camille: Cammi for short.  She was a smart, kindhearted girl who was attending nursing school.  One day she got home to a huge surprise.  She had been studying most of the day at the hospital and helping out more than normal because the hospital was short handed that day.  Walking home she was very tired and exhausted from the crazy day she had just finished.  She was unaware the day was not over yet.

She shared an apartment with three other girls.  At 11pm when she got home, two of her roommates were already asleep.  She went into her room and Charlotte, her personal roommate, was not home yet.  She put down her bag and went out to the kitchen to get a snack.  As she was eating a bowl of cereal and watching their fish, Edmund, swim around in his bowl, Charlotte arrived.  They shared experiences of the day while eating cereal.

By the time they finally decided to get ready for bed it was 1am.  They picked out the clothes they would wear the next day.  After brushing their teeth, Camille claimed the toilet first.  Charlotte left the bathroom and as Cammi lifted the lid to the toilet she almost screamed.  Instead she just stopped breathing and dropped the lid.  She left the bathroom and Charlotte asked her what happened.  Cammi then finally took a breath and spoke. “Why are there fish in the toilet?” Charlotte was taken aback.  What in the world was Cammi talking about?!  She walked in and looked in the toilet herself.  Cammi followed and asked again, “Why are there four gold fish in our toilet?!  I have to pee like a race horse!” In truth, neither Cammi nor Charlotte had gone to the bathroom since around eleven that morning.

“I’ll get the fish net that we use for Edmund!” Charlotte exclaimed.  Cammi got a jar from the kitchen and they both sat down next to the toilet and began to fish for the fish.  “Success!” Charlotte squealed.  “We shall name you John,” Cammi decided.  Charlotte laughed and began to fish out another one.  It took her about five minutes to get the second one, Loo.  After another ten minutes of fishing, Charlotte lost her patience she couldn’t fish for them any longer.

They decided to just use the other roommate’s toilet.  They snuck into the other bathroom.  “What is that smell?” Cammi questioned.  “I mean seriously, did something die in here?”  They turned the light on and lifted the lid to the toilet.  As they looked into it, Cammi gagged and Charlotte started dry heaving.  The toilet bowl was completely brown on the inside.  It wasn’t even two toned brown, but completely brown.  The apartments had been brand new three months previous and the toilets were white porcelain when they moved in.  “I’m not using that!” Charlotte said, walking briskly of the bathroom with Cammi right behind her.

“Let me give it try at fishing,” Cammi offered. It took her five minutes to catch Swirly, but the fourth one kept swimming down into the pipe and only coming up when the net was out.   Finally Cammi had a brilliant idea! “LET’S FLUSH THE STUPID FISH!  Like Nemo!”  Suddenly the last fish, whom they named Peek-a-Poo, jumped from the toilet into the jar where his brethren were waiting.  “Don’t you know that in Arizona all drains lead to septic tanks?!”  Peek-a-Poo shouted.  Both girls fainted.  Needless to say, no one used the toilet that night.

~ Tacia Eliason, St. David

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