It all started on a peaceful Sunday evening in the mystical land of Australia…
Many moons ago, in the mystical meadows of Melbourne, Australia there were two merry missionaries moseying about in their Mormon mobile. They were off to dinner, quickly they flew. Their bellies were empty and craved for some stew. They came to the house of the Bishop of Brimbank, Vakalahi by name and Tongan by birth, the great, jolly man was wide in his girth. He’d prepared them a feast: sheep, chicken, and fries. The two merry missionaries couldn’t believe their eyes! After a prayer, they were off to races;hurriedly, hungrily stuffing their faces.
There were cries of joy, laughter, and such delight! It was sure to be a most glorious night! The merry missionaries were, by name, Taufu’i and Peek. Servants of the Lord, hard-working and meek… However, this night they were in for a “treat.”
This is the story of how Peek ate… Well, we`ll get to later, but back to their dinner date. They ate, and they ate, and they ate some more. They, in fact, were still eating when Grandma came to the door. Grandma was an old-fashioned kind. She was sharp as a whip and sound of mind. She’d brought a dessert for the whole family to share. What was it, you ask? Well, Peek didn’t care. He hungrily eyed the covered pot, what lie within it he knew not. Grandma dished everyone up with a big heaping plate, even though everyone had previously ate. Peek was up to the challenge, he’d done this plenty of times: he’d eaten kangaroo, crocodile, and emu eggs with limes. Nothing could stop him, or so he was sure, little did he know this dessert was… Peculiar. Put before his eyes were dozens of cubes, they were a bit off white and medium in size. What appeared to be caramel was drowning the stuff, he didn’t think he would get enough! Boy was he wrong, as he took his first bite. At first the taste was quite a delight. Then to his horror and dismay, the taste of wax came his tongue’s way. Chewing the cube over and over… And over… And over… He finally waved his companion to come closer. “What is this?” he asked “Tastes like it’s been waxed”. He continued to chew just one more time and whispered frantically “If it weren’t so queer I would say it’s ear wax I have here.”
His companion Taufu’i visibly whitened and his grip on the table physically tightened. Alarmed he inquired “Who told you, bro?” Not the answer Peek wanted, not that, N. O. Peek knew what he must do to survive the night. He poured himself a tall glass of soda and began the fight. He swallowed them whole, yes, every last bite, with an ocean of soda that would give you all a fright. It seemed like that bowl would never end for Peek our merry missionary friend. When all seemed over and bowl’s bottom was found, they said their goodbyes and went off to sleep sound.
But one more surprise awaited our friend for Taufu’i left out one small detail for the end. Right before bed when their dreams were nigh, Taufu’i rolled over and said with a sigh “Peek, I gotta say, I’ve never seen someone take to cow’s ear wax that way. Not only that, but here’s the real picture, that wasn’t caramel man, it was cow’s caramelized stomach juice mixture.”
~ Ryan Peek, Mesa, Arizona